Hey there! šš¼
Itās been a while. I really missed you. Did you miss me? š„¹
How have you been? I mean how have you really been? Howās your heart? Howās your mind? Howās your soul?
On my end, I have had some struggles in the past months. Iām sure Iāll write about it soon. But Iāll really love to know how you are.
Let me tell you a short story or maybe a long story š¤·š»āāļøā¦..
I was called a tomboy a lot while growing up. I was quite different from other girls, and growing up with two elder brothers didn't help š. As I grew into my teen years it got worse. I wasnāt āladylikeā in any way, form, or manner. And I didnāt care, I was just happy to be me.
I was very bold, outspoken, and quite assertive as a young girl. My dad had this habit of pumping me up with praises in both Igbo and English (if youāre Igbo youāll understand better š). A lot of people hated my guts, especially the older ones. I barely had friends, it seemed a ātabooā to have male friends. I also wasnāt impressed with having female friends. But I had this one friend named Oge. I guess we were friends because we were alike in character. She barely had any friends too š.
Sometimes my mum would mandate my brothers to take me along when visiting a friend who had a sister. I suppose they were trying to help my friendship ministry. But I was more interested in watching them play football, video games, or another game rather than having mindless chitchats with the girls. I eventually became friends with one of the girls (she was the only daughter too), but the friendship didnāt get any closer after she did me dirty. Again, this affirmed why I didn't want to be friends with girls.
By the time I got to secondary school, it was difficult to relate with girls, the boys in my class didnāt like me either š. Fun fact: no boy in my class, scratch that, no boy in the entire school ever āasked me outā and I was in the same school from J.S 1 to S.S 3 š. It didnāt bother me in my J.S classes but when I got to S.S class it began to feel weird.
I have lots of hair on my skin. It didnāt help that I got teased about it a lot. The funny thing is, I still won āMiss Spotlessā during our S.S 3 award night with all the hair on my skin. Please give my mum a big thumbs; she did magic with my skin. Even now, without any skincare routine, my skin still pops. Anyway, moving onā¦..
The only Valentineās gift I ever got in secondary school was from a teacher (it was an innocent gift), my favorite teacher ever! He was the only one who I felt saw me and understood me at that period of my life. Being birthday mates just cemented our relationship even further. S.S 2 & S.S 3 were my best years in secondary school because of him. I loved having him as a friend; our conversations helped prepare me for university life.
I got a lot of attention from older guys, every summer school lesson came with a teacher trying to ātoastā me. I hated it so much. I was lonely most of the time. I guess that's why I enjoy my own company a lot. Being alone gives me joy most times. I learned how to travel in my mind. So yea, I didnāt vibe with the girls and the boys didnāt like me either. It didnāt make me sad. It just made me feel like a weirdo.
But I met some amazing female friends in university, and one of them is my best friend now (I guess you all already know who Iām referring to, but Iāll still not mention her name š). Iāll write about my university experience one of these days. Itās funny how I didnāt have a boyfriend in secondary school (even the one I managed to have didnāt last for one month, so I donāt count it), but I had a different one every year in university. As I said, story for another day.
I donāt know where this story is going but stay with meā¦.
Thank God my mum introduced us to God early. I loved going to church and getting involved in activities in the childrenās church. I was in all the departments. I also loved reading but disliked any book concerning my academics. As I grew and became self-aware of how different I am. And how weird I felt, coupled with my love for reading, I consumed the Bible a lot.
I read the Bible like a storybook, but God helped my understanding as a teenage girl. Thatās how I became comfortable in my skin. Knowing that God made me the exact way I looked, without errors or mistakes, made me proud of my looks.
I never wore knickers cos my legs are hairy, and people always looked at me funny whenever they saw my legs, but guess what? knickers are one of my best fashion items now. I still get the looks from some people, but who cares? š¤·š»āāļø
Iām still very bold, assertive, and outspoken, but thanks to God, Heās helping me shape and mold my character and personality to please Him. Cos people like me easily fall into pride and can be talkative.
The story feels disjointed, but hereās the wrap-up, only God can assure us of our identity. Trust me, the world has so many versions they want us to be, they would make suggestions of these versions at different points in our lives, and we would try to conform to those versions if our identity isnāt rooted in God.
Thereās no knowing yourself when you donāt know God. I've realized in my walk with God, that the more I get intimate with Him, the clearer my identity becomes, and the less concerned I am about how the world perceives me because I now live for an audience of one; God.
And no, you canāt live for God and be a vile person. Because if youāre truly living for Him, Heāll change you into His image, precept upon precept, line upon line. Heāll wash you, purify you, sanctify you until your idea of āselfā is wholly washed away and you begin to reflect His image.
Let God tell you who you are. Itās quite simple, start from what He says about you in the Bible, then watch Him open your eyes to realities about yourself you never knew existed.
P.S: I wrote this story for more than 1 month š«£. So ensure you like, comment, and share. Love you!
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~ The girl loved & blessed by Abba ~
I didn't quite know where the story was going but kinda like its disjointed form. Interesting and relatable.